The other day I was in the supermarket and a child knocked over a bottle of juice.  A frantic mother screamed at her child for the wrong he’d done, and it dawned on me that neither had learned anything good about responsibility during the process.

How do we raise smarter, more responsible children anyway? 

When I was visiting a friend, her son wanted to cook hamburgers on the built in grill on the stove but didn’t know how.  So he asked.  Rather than just tell him the answer,  his mother asked whether he had ever cooked anything on the burners on that stove before.

He said yes, and then she asked what he did to make the burners work?  He said he turned certain knobs.

What happened next was pretty obvious.  He very responsibly figured out, all for himself, that he needed to turn the other knobs, nearer the grill to make it work.  (This taught him some self-reliance as well).

Unfortunately he decided to test the grill by putting his hands too close before putting the hamburgers on.  “Ouch, he cried ,”I burned my finger!”

At this point, his mother had a couple of choices, other than to first  put some cold aloe vera on the burn to help heal it. 

She could have yelled at him and told him he wasn’t too bright by putting his hands so close to the grill, or she could have done something else to help him learn responsibility.

Thankfully, and a good tip for every parent, she choose the latter.

She asked him some questions.  “Do you think putting your hands close to something hot is the most useful test before cooking your burgers?  Have you ever put your hand on the burner when you cooked other things?  If you had a son, what could you say to him, or ask him about testing out a grill to see if it is hot enough for cooking?”

She calmly kept asking non-blame questions, so that, in the end, her son realized “how” to make a decision, rather than just telling him he made the wrong one.

This is one way to teach responsibility to your child – never blame, and ask good questions until your child learns the best course of action for him or herself.

Many thanks to my friend for showing us all one great way to teach responsibility to a child.

Until next time, remember every child is smart in their own way, and raising smarter children is easier that you think!

Warmly,

Pat Wyman and Erin Studer, M.D.

If you like this post, share it with the community by using the share this button below.

P.S.  School is about to start so watch http://www.HowToLearn.com e-mails for upcoming teleseminars on faster learning, faster memory, and more effective ways to study.

I want to take a quick break in our RaisingSmarterChildren.com mini-series on Smarter Children Activities, because of news on a new study from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

The study says that unvaccinated kids are 23 times more likely to  get pertussis or whooping cough…and as a mom, I still have questions about whether kids should be vaccinated – do you?

I’ve actually seen videos of healthy kids who suddenly weren’t healthy after vaccination, and am always curious about the autism and vaccination link, especially because most of the mercury was taken out of vaccination drugs – why was this done if there was never a question about a possible link?

We’d love to hear from you, so leave a comment below.

Also, you can read the full story on this at Dr. Maino’s blog at

http://mainosmemos.blogspot.com/2009/06/httpwwwivanhoecomchannelspchannelstoryc.html

and at United Press International

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2009/05/26/Study-Unvaccinated-kids-at-risk/UPI-57181243394214/

Warmly,

Pat Wyman

Be sure and visit our sister site at http://www.howtolearn.com for more tips and resources on raising a smarter children.  You may want to look at the e-book, Instant Learning For Amazing Grades which has strategies for learning everything from spelling to math facts in half the time, using personal learning styles.

Tomorrow, back to our Smarter Children Activities mini-series

           Do you think your child’s past equals your child’s potential?  You might want to check out these very inspiring stories of kids who went from ‘losers’ to ‘leaders’…

Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper because he lacked ‘good creative’ ideas…

Beethoven’s music teacher told him he was “hopeless as a composer”…

Einstein could not speak until he was four, and could not read until he was seven…

The famous painter, Paul Gauguin only tried painting because he failed as a stockbroker…

Rodgers and Hammerstein’s first work together was so disastrous that they didn’t work together again for years…

As parents, we tend to worry about our child’s future and wonder if we can ever raise a smarter child – one who is loving, confident, and has good values.

Whenever I see kids who don’t seem to be ‘making the grade’ as soon as the world wants them to, I give them these inspiring stories…

High achievers are made not born…

Remember, every child is smart in their own way,

Warmly,

Pat Wyman and Erin Mavredakis M.D.

There’s a free personal learning styles inventory  at http://www.howtolearn.com   You may want your child to take it and find out where your child’s true genius lies.

After watching the Michael J. Fox special on optimism, I thought it would be nice to share a few thoughts. I hope you’ll share your thoughts with us too.  

Do you think it’s better to be optimistic in life, and help your kids be the same?

If you want to, can you do anything special to become more optimistic?

A few years back, my daughter sent me a card saying I was the most optimistic person she knew.  It came during an especially difficult time in my life, and the fact that my so-called ’pessimistic’ daughter sent the card, actually made me even more optimistic!

Michael’s latest book, Always Looking Up, Adventures of An Incurable Optimist, comes at a time in life when most of what we hear and see isn’t the best news ever.  What he has to say and how he lives, seems to give us all a reason to smile, no matter what’s going on in the world around us.

On this blog, we talk about raising smarter children in every way – not just the brainy I.Q. smart, so optimism is one way of living life, being grateful for the support of family and our true friends.

In Michael’s special on T.V., he talks about what makes an optimist, even in the face of serious adversity.  As a Parkinson’s advocate, Michael says that happiness is contagious, and optimism gives you the courage to meet reality head on.

He visited several places on planet earth, and found one that many say have the happiest people on earth.  It’s a country I’d actually never heard of before, but now would love to visit, called Bhudan.  He says there are a million people and not even a traffic light.

The whole country thinks in terms of Gross National Happiness, rather than gross national product.  The kids in school learn honesty, friendship, kindness, and love.

In raising our kids, scientists say there is actually a genetic and nurtured part of optimism. Some people just seem to get the seratonin, feel good gene, or more of it anyway, and some are nurtured, with the love and support of family and friends to feel happier, even when times are tough.

I remember hearing a story from an author about a time when his family couldn’t afford heat in the winter, and his parents set up a tent and sleeping bags in the living room.  The kids thought it was an adventure and told all their friends at school what a great time they were having.

Do you have any stories of optimism and hope, even during the worst challenges?  Share them and we’ll post them here.

I thought one interesting thing about what Michael said on his T.V. special was that his wife was pessimistic.  Actually, pessimism is some people’s way of coping.

My daughter always seemed to think the worst would happen on her exams, but somehow it propelled her to do better.

Even though I don’t understand her thought process, I supported and encouraged her, and today, she’s living her dream of caring for children as a pediatrician.  Imagine that – an optimistic mother and pessimistic daughter – maybe we balance each other out!

Again, share your stories of optimism and hope.  Do you think you can help your kids be more optimistic if that’s what you believe is best for them?

Remember, every child is smart in their own way,

Warmly,

Pat Wyman

Visit our sister site at http://www.HowToLearn.com for more tips and resources on raising a smarter child in school, home and life.

It’s amazing how one person’s generosity can make a real difference in a child’s life.

One person, who experienced remarkable success with strategies they learned in Learning vs. Testing, made a large contribution which helps every child succeed in school.

Have you ever heard the old saying, what goes around, comes around?  Generosity creates flow and abundance in everyone’s life. 

My mom didn’t have much, but one thing we always saw her doing was ‘giving’ to others.  It made an impact on all of our lives.

How are you helping your child learn to be generous?  There are so many ways – with their time, with their money – setting aside 10% for charitable giving, with their talent…

Let us know how you teach your child generosity – think of a time when someone’s generosity helped you and tell your child today!

Remember, every child is smart!

Warmly,

Pat Wyman and Erin Mavredakis M.D.

For more tips and resources, visit our sister site at http://www.HowToLearn.com

Learning styles – how could they possibly affect everything?

Well, know it or not, they do, because your actions, behavior, conversations, schoolwork, and everything else you do involves your personal learning style.

Are you frustrated in conversations with your kids or spouse?  How about with a co-worker?  Then you simply have two different types of learning styles, and that frustration is easily fixed, once you know what a learning style is and how it affects you and other people as well.

Let’s say that one of your kids has a really messy room and the other keeps their room spotless.

You too, keep your room spotless.

Here’s the rub.  When you talk to your child who has the messy room, you use your “visual” learning style words to talk to your “kinesthetic” learning style kid.

Visual learners think in pictures, use picture words and when they read, they turn everything into pictures.

Kinesthetic learners are tactile, love to move around, feel things, and don’t even have pictures in their mind usually.

So, when you say, “Clean up that messy room”, they don’t know what you mean – literally.

If your kinesthetic child doesn’t make pictures in their mind, it follows they don’t have any concept of what messy and neat mean.

So, here’s a quick tip about learning styles and the next couple of posts will share a few more:  Learn to speak the learning style language of your kids, who may have a different learning style than you do.

The same goes for your spouse – you may be having little or even big fights all the time, simply because your words are like a camera — look, see, etc., and your kids or spouse use words like “feel”, touch, move, grip, etc., with absolutely no “camera” words in their vocabulary.

Take a moment and think about this – learning styles, visual, auditory and kinesthetic do affect everything you, what you do, what you say, how you act, and the same applies to everyone else too. 

It’s usually the visual learners who perform best in school because their style matches written tests, recalling information in pictures to write the words faster, etc.

The kinesthetic kids are great athletes for example and very gifted in their own way, but we’ve failed them in school, because they can’t show what they know on those darn written tests.  They know how they feel about things, but often don’t translate that into written words fast enough to recall and perform well on the test.

So, for now – just remember that your child, spouse or co-worker may have another learning style than you do. 

If you find that you just can’t talk well together, or do things so differently that it’s annoying you, remembering that everyone has their own personal learning style often helps.  Then just try and figure out the words they use during conversation – are they camera words, feeling words, or do they talk alot, and remember something you said six months ago- that’s an auditory learner who learns by listening.

No need for daily conflict once everyone gets this learning style thing – because there are so many ways to tell who has what learning style and then how to get along with their style.

Today, go to http://www.howtolearn.com and take that Personal Learning Styles Inventory at the top left of the page.  Have your whole family do it too, and read it aloud to your kids just in case they have a reading problem you don’t know about.

Have your co-workers take it.  Some of the biggest coprorations in the world are using this Personal Leanring Style Inventory; so are school districts and thousands of individuals. 

Note the results just in your own family – and a few more learning style tips will show up in the next couple of posts.

Remember – every child and every person is smart – in their own individual way – give them credit for their talents, even if they aren’t the same as yours, and you’ll be a lot happier. Those learning styles do affect absolutely everything you, your family and your co-workers do.

Warmly,

Pat Wyman and Erin Mavredakis, M.D.

Submit your comments anytime and we’ll respond (you need to add those two numbers together so we know it’s a real person) and if you like the post, hit the share button, and send it around the social networking communities like Digg or Technorati (their members may want to know about learning styles too.)

Dear Parents and Friends,

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you’re tempted to keep something that somebody sent you by mistake? 

For Christmas, my son wanted the entire DVD set of a T.V. program he loved.  I think it lasted 8 seasons. 

So I contacted a separate store at Amazon (the set was new and about $30 less I think and the store was CSTT), and sure enough, a man named Chet came through and went the extra mile to get the whole set here before Christmas.

(I also got a very helpful book called Have A New Kid By Friday, by Dr. Kevin Leman -(this second link is his blog and wow, he’s a dad with amazing advice for raising kids without the attitude, and character without being a character. )

He’s also one of the funniest people I’ve ever heard. (We’ll call him and request an interview to post it on the blog for you).

Anyway, here’s the honesty dilemma:  a few days later, another, brand new set of the same DVD series came in the mail. 

Of course, the whole family loved this particular show, so now what? 

I decided to test a theory about whether the values I taught my kids were intact, so I called my daughter first (who I know really wanted the set too,) just to see what she would say.  

“Well Mom, you have to return them.  I’d really love to have them, but it’s the right thing to do to send them back.” 

Whew – good thing she said this - I can rest easier at night :):)

Next, I called my son to tell him what happened.  Happily, he basically said the same thing.

Of course, I really wanted the series too – and it would have been easy enough to keep them. 

But this is not about what we all wanted – it’s more about how to help your kids (you too - and that includes me),  respond with honesty, character and good values.

So, for my part, I wrote the man and asked how to return the second set.  Yes, it was the right thing to do, but I sure did want those DVD’s :):)

In this post, I’m really asking a question – how are you teaching your children good values, like honesty and strong character to keep doing the right thing?

When my kids were younger, I did several things to seed the traits I knew were best for them to lead a basically good life and give them values to pass on to their kids (I sure wish they would hurry up and have some!)

Here’s what I did to help them learn some good values, and I want to share it because it worked so well.

I set up situations in advance and we talked about them.  I’d provide a scenario, and then have them role play how they would respond in advance. That way, I knew when those situations came up in real life, they might at least think about what we talked about before acting.

These chit chats included the tough stuff like drugs, alcohol, defending a friend when other kids were saying bad things about that person, etc.

As a mom, I have to recommend this – think of all the things that happen in kids lives – and at all different ages.  When it’s time, try to come up with “what ifs” and see how many ways they say to handle the situation.

As a teacher, I’ve seen nearly every behavior from kids in every grade, and believe me when I tell you, while the kids shared details of their lives with me, there is no way you’d want to know the things I heard and saw. 

So, back to your own kids. Nix being naive – there are so many unknowns out there – get prepared – read stuff, (do you like the big word – stuff?), listen to experts, put the things you learn into practice – do it to help your kids develop those values we all know are good – like the difference between right and wrong (you don’t “steal” something you already bought, just because somebody else mistakenly sent it to you).

Think for a while about your kids and what they are exposed to.  You really have to pay attention, because as Dr. Leman says, “kids are smart, and they will outsmart you, so you’d better be prepared.”

Imagine this -what about the texting we hear so much about – where kids say such horrific things, the victim becomes suicidal?  How about all the “follow your friends’ acts or you’ll become an outcast?”  You have to shoplift too, just because you’re with your friends and they all do it.

It’s not easy being a parent, but as this New Year starts, I think beginning to prevent the things you don’t want, by talking about real things, and having your kids give you all the possible ways those situations could be handled is a great way to start. 

As you’re reading, I know you’ll have lots more good ideas, so share them with the community here, in the comments or the “share this” button.

Thank you and we always welcome your comments.  As you know, Erin is my daughter, and you can read about her in our “About us” section, so I can’t really sign her name to this one because I asked her about what we should do with that extra DVD set.

And my son, J.P., was the recipient of the first set of DVD’s – so, without him even knowing, I am thanking him for his honesty now.

As always, remember every child is smart – and I believe, when given your love and direction, your kids will choose honesty over deceit, and develop strong character and values.  Hey, you may be surprised and find them being role models for their friends.

Happy New Year!

Warmly,

Pat Wyman

I get so many e-mails from parents, literally begging for ways to help their kids do well in school, I’m going to mention my e-book, because it answers all those questions.  It really is a gift for your kids.

I’ve worked with kids for just about 30 years now (including my own) and someplace in there, discovered strategies that really make a difference in a child’s life. 

Instant Learning For Amazing Grades has 210 pages of easy and practical ways to study and get terrific grades on those written tests.  Your child’s learning style plays a huge role in school and how they learn – and this e-book will show you and your child how to harness the power of a learning style to succeed!

More here.. http://www.howtolearn.com/amazinggrades.html and you and your child can take the Personal Learning Styles Inventory on http://www.howtolearn.com

Again, may this new year be better than ever for you and your family.

My daughter, Dr. Mavredakis and I want to wish you a wonderful and very happy new year!

We know that parents reading our blog, believe their children are so very precious and want the best for them.

So, as you make your new year’s resolutions, you may want to make a smart decision which includes  diagnosing how the world looks through your child’s eyes, and get them the learning-related vision exam we talk about so much, because once you know the answer, you can literally change your child’s life and self-esteem if they are struggling in reading, school, or even sports.

Here are a couple of remarkable success stories about two children you may want to read..

Chris, who had always been very shy and introverted and never wanted to join social situations or participate in fast paced activities. At family functions he would tend to cling to his parents. His developmental vision evaluation revealed amblyopia (lazy eye) at 5 years old…

Jaime whose parents were concerned with her inability to hit a softball, struggles with reading, reversal of letters yet remained at top of her class in math and science…

Read the result of their eye exams at:

http://wowvision.typepad.com/the_wow_vision_blog

Find a doctor at http://www.covd.org or http://www.oep.org

We thank each and every one of your for your comments and new ideas – submit more anytime and share the information to help more parents and kids in all the social networks that say “share this”.

Remember, every child is smart.

Start your new year by helping your child see the world through new eyes…

Warmly,

Pat Wyman and Erin Mavredakis, M.D.

(see our other website for free articles, resources, and a free learning styles inventory at http://www.howtolearn.com and visit a unique website for parents at http://www.pavevision.org

Happy New Year!

This was to be the second of our 4 back to school success posts, but I’ve just finished surviving the devastation of Hurricane Ike.

So, next post will be number 2 in our back to school success series, and I thought this was too important a time not to write down these thoughts.

I’ve never been in a hurricane before and while visiting my sister in Texas, it happened.  Did it ever – and I pray it never happens again to anyone, anywhere.

Being from California, and knowing absolutely zero about hurricanes, I got a crash course in how they work, but more importantly, how people can bond together and help each other get through with no power, no water, no energy, gas and food.

Folks, my first thought when I heard this was coming is what does it mean?  What  will happen?  The kids that live in Texas are used to hurricanes, but this was very, very different.  I certainly had no idea what to expect.  It’s one thing to see things on T.V. and quite another to be in the middle of it when it’s happening. 

What I learned is that a tragedy can actually be time for some very good and powerful learning for your children. (and me too).

1.   You are your child’s model.  What you do in a crisis, will influence them forever.  Be calm and steady – if not for you, do it for the kids.  If you’re calm and prepared, your kids will be too.  Work together getting the house ready (if you don’t have to evacuate), shop together telling the kids how much easier it will be with lots of water, ice, canned items and the rest of food that you will need,  because most likely the power will go out.   

2.  Study hurricanes together as a family, again calmly.  Learn about how they work and why the sky may turn aqua green just after what looks like lightening.  Learning new things together helps children want to learn and builds their curiosity about other things too.

Have lots of games to play together when the power goes out, and a whole lot of flashlights.  When it’s really dark, everybody feels better with light.

The games will help your kids feel happier when you’re playing, and can calm them too.  Play every single game you can with them.  Read happy stories to your kids because it releases the ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter dopamine in the brain. 

3.  Make contingency plans since you can’t predict everything.  Insure your kids know what to do and that you will be there for them.  This helps your kids learn to think ahead when things are unknown.

4.  The neighbors here had one of those wind up radios from radio shack and they let us use it to get more information.  I highly recommend, after what I’ve just been through, to invest the few dollars and get one.  You don’t need any power – just wind it up.  It was so helpful.  Again, your kids will learn what they need during a crisis.   Information is one of your most powerful allies.

5.  When your kids are informed about what’s coming, they are far more likely to want to help you and each other and quickly learn the value of what it means to be a real family – stick together. 

6.  Answer their questions – all of them.  Again, be calm.  Let the kids know it’s O.K. to be afraid, but that you’re doing everything you can to prepare.  You’ve got plenty of warning time so you have a real opportunity to help your children help themselves and make amazingly good choices during a crisis.

7.  If they want to be right next to you when the hurricane hits, find that room with no outside walls and put the mattresses there, or make a game of jumping in the tub and putting the mattress over your heads before it hits. Try to lighten things up a bit for everyone.  Believe me, this goes a long way toward both teaching the kids what they need to know, and helping them laugh at the same time.

8.  Tell them why you need to fill your tubs with water, why to duct tape your windows and board them up.  Have them help you – they will feel much safer and more secure when you’re doing these things together. 

9.  Assume the very best of your kids – they will surprise you with their creativity and thoughts if you let them.  This is a time they can quickly learn kindness, humility and courage – all at the same time.

10.  When the hurricane is over, go outside, look around and thank God you’re all safe.  It may be a huge mess (it sure was here), but you’ll be surprised at how the neighborhood bonds together to help each other.

This is the time for your children to learn compassion for others too.  We heard that the first response teams needed food and water because they had none.  Remember these are the folks who are supposed to rescue others.  And they had no food or water.  So when the call went out to help, we gathered up all our extra water and food we could, and took it to them.  They were so happy and grateful.

Imagine how good your kids will feel helping the police or firefighters or even the national guard with simple things like water.  What does that teach them?  We’re a community and all in this together.

I learned a lot from this and pray you never have to experience anything like it, but if you do, some real good can come from it.

With gratitude,

Pat Wyman

If you like these ideas, please hit the comment button and share your thoughts.  Help others by clicking on the “share this” button and letting the social community know.  That’s what it’s really all about -sharing and caring.  I thank you for reading this and if you’ve been to our other site for back to school help and resources,  http://www.HowToLearn.com I thank you now for your patience because things are understandably delayed.

Warmly,

Pat Wyman

Michael Savage said, “You know what autism is. I’ll tell you what it is in 99% of the cases.  It’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out.  That’s what autism is.”  He then went on to say that autism isa result of lax parenting, a fraud and a racket, and labeled the children with autism both idiots and morons.

A New York Times article says Savage stands by his comments.

Savage was not original and did not bring the autism epidemic to light.  Autism has been in the news for years, and we clearly have an epidemic on our hands.  While his so-called apology fell back on the ADD - ADHD over diagnoses and over medication, there is something terribly wrong with this picture.   In no way does autism even come close to that argument, and his publicity spin was more than unsuccessful.

One has to wonder what such a media saavy man has up his sleeve.  If indeed, he was trying to shine the light on a controversy, he could have done so in a much classier way.  If his goal is higher ratings, most likely he hit the target.

As one of the 44 co-authors of the IPPY Book of the Year in the medicine category, The Official Autism 101 Manual, these real doctors and world’s experts on autism obviously do not share Michael Savage’s views.  Judging by the raving public outcry against Michael Savage’s remarks, parents, teachers, and special caretakers do not share Michael Savage’s views.  He demeaned millions of people and then tried to explain his comments away in a reckless and unbelievable manner.

Yes, he is a talk show host and sometimes knows exactly what he is talking about – and that’s an opinion too.

Autism however, is not an opinion.  Children and adults on the autism spectrum are remarkable, and their parents are heroic for doing everything possible to create a peaceful family life and care for their autistic child. 

As a special education teacher at one time in my life, I taught children diagnosed on the autistic spectrum and loved them deeply.  They were talented, loving, and I”m being honest when I say it was also difficult.  These children light up the world when they smile and at the same time often do injurious things to themselves, like head banging, and we can only guess at the reason. 

If you care look closely enough, you may discover the child has pain someplace in their body, and they think that headbanging or other behaviors may help.

But these are things that Michael Savage apparently doesn’t know about.  I have to wonder how many autistic children he has been around and cared for. 

One of my dear friends has a child with autism, and that child has blessed the world with two beautiful books, and his art-ism.  He has a magnificent talent for art and we are all the better for it.

I’m deeply disappointed, along with The Michael Savage show sponsors, including ABC, and the millions of others who either care for or, are themselves, far enough along the spectrum feel denegrated due to Michael Savage’s remarks.

While our blog is here to promote helping children be smart in their own way, and make good decisions arising from strong values, Michael Savage did not make a good decision today, except to bolster his own self-centertedness and spin his apology with an obvious lack of good values. 

And that, dear readers, is our humble opinion.  If you are the parent or relative of a child or adult on the autistic spectrum, we send you our love.

Remember, every child is smart,

Lovingly,

Pat Wyman and Erin Mavredakis, M.D.