Raising Smarter Children

The other day I was in the supermarket and a child knocked over a bottle of juice.  A frantic mother screamed at her child for the wrong he’d done, and it dawned on me that neither had learned anything good about responsibility during the process.

How do we raise smarter, more responsible children anyway? 

When I was visiting a friend, her son wanted to cook hamburgers on the built in grill on the stove but didn’t know how.  So he asked.  Rather than just tell him the answer,  his mother asked whether he had ever cooked anything on the burners on that stove before.

He said yes, and then she asked what he did to make the burners work?  He said he turned certain knobs.

What happened next was pretty obvious.  He very responsibly figured out, all for himself, that he needed to turn the other knobs, nearer the grill to make it work.  (This taught him some self-reliance as well).

Unfortunately he decided to test the grill by putting his hands too close before putting the hamburgers on.  “Ouch, he cried ,”I burned my finger!”

At this point, his mother had a couple of choices, other than to first  put some cold aloe vera on the burn to help heal it. 

She could have yelled at him and told him he wasn’t too bright by putting his hands so close to the grill, or she could have done something else to help him learn responsibility.

Thankfully, and a good tip for every parent, she choose the latter.

She asked him some questions.  “Do you think putting your hands close to something hot is the most useful test before cooking your burgers?  Have you ever put your hand on the burner when you cooked other things?  If you had a son, what could you say to him, or ask him about testing out a grill to see if it is hot enough for cooking?”

She calmly kept asking non-blame questions, so that, in the end, her son realized “how” to make a decision, rather than just telling him he made the wrong one.

This is one way to teach responsibility to your child – never blame, and ask good questions until your child learns the best course of action for him or herself.

Many thanks to my friend for showing us all one great way to teach responsibility to a child.

Until next time, remember every child is smart in their own way, and raising smarter children is easier that you think!

Warmly,

Pat Wyman and Erin Studer, M.D.

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